Our weekly recap of the week’s news nuggets in Toronto will bring you up to date and add some fuel to your small-talk tank heading into the weekend.

Livin’ on a Prayer

Apparently, when it comes to landing an NFL franchise for Hogtown, we can safely report that “whooa, we’re halfway there,” as rocker Jon Bon Jovi is now part of a group intent on making a bid for the Buffalo Bills and moving the team to Toronto.

We’re all zombie food, deal with it

According to a recent “study,” Toronto will fare worse than most if and when a zombie apocalypse comes to pass, thanks in part to the long distance from a military base and the population density. No word yet on how the city’s mayoral candidates plan to deal with this disturbing report.

Public broadcaster kneecapped

The CBC has reportedly cut more than 600 jobs in a massive round of cuts at the nation’s public broadcaster. After the cuts, the CBC will no longer pursue broadcasting professional sports such as the NHL and Major League Baseball, but potentially amateur sports competitions such as the Olympic Games are still a possibility. Prime time programming seems safe at the moment, so at least families can gather around the TV after dinner on a Saturday night for another rousing edition of Dragons’ Den. Yay….

A cheeky move

The Toronto District School Board voted to quash a motion asking the city to enforce their no-nudity bylaw during the city’s Pride Parade. But, it did provide a brief, ahem, distraction from the whole educating our children thing.

Beach no place for politicos

Mayor Rob Ford will have to find another street upon which to roll his festive Creme Eggs towards eager youngsters without getting too close to them—the Beaches Easter Parade has banned all politicians from participating in their annual event.

It’s, it’s the road construction blitz

With the winter from hell, and the upcoming Pan Am Games, the city has announced a massive road work effort starting this summer to the tune of $215 million. Expect delays, slowdowns, snarls and, oh yeah, traffic jams. But, hey, at least it’s not snowing. Am I right? People?

Bring it on Brendan

It was vintage Toronto Maple Leafs this week as the team that was the talk of the town just two months ago completed their slow and steady slide to the bottom of the NHL barrel. But there was a silver lining of sorts when Brendan Shanahan, former NHL standout and bona fide Stanley Cup ring bearer, was named the team’s new president. Finally, someone new to blame.

The borrowers

In a bold move to modernize and stay relevant, the Toronto Public Library has launched a Hoopla online streaming service similar to Netflix that allows card holders to “borrow” movies and music to play on their computers and mobile devices.

But does he still Cheetah?

Mayor Rob Ford has announced one of the Trailer Park Boys as well as disgraced former Olympic sprinter Ben Johnson have joined his campaign team thus ensuring that, win or lose, we all know where the party’s at come election night.

Raptor has found promised land—it is Wasaga

Toronto Raptors’ centre Jonas Valanciunas has been charged with impaired driving. Somehow the Lumberin’ Lithuanian was observed with open beer bottles in his car at a drive-thru north of the city. Bad Jonas. The next day, Valanciunas scored a career-high 26 points in a win over Philadelphia, and a cloud of moral ambiguity descended on the Air Canada Centre.